High School Musical Sucked
by SecondAsian
Summary: After a night of karaoke, a mysterious person visits Ashford Academy: AKON. He wants Lelouch to have a spot in his music video. What will Lelouch say? Did he blow off the head of a fangirl? Where's Orlando Bloom? Find out in this story!
1. Lelouch's Submarine

**Code Geass: Lelouch of the Band**

Disclaimer: I do not have any known affiliation with John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, or Ringo Starr! (That was a LONG one!)

**Chapter 1: We All Live in Lelouch's Submarine**

It was a normal Friday afternoon at Ashford Academy. Lelouch and Kallen were walking to their weekly Student council meeting (Rivalz was partly stalking them).

Kallen stopped in her tracks," I'm not going."

Lelouch stopped and walked over to Kallen," Why not? Is it because of that porno website from the other series?"

" Well, partly, but we all know that if we go, Milly's gonna always be late by 2 or 3 hours or something!"

Just as soon as she said it, a flash of yellow hair zipped past them, pushing a large cardboard box in front of her.

"Wow, she's early!" cried Kallen in belief," But what's that box?"

Lelouch mentioned, "The last time she had a box that big was when Orlando Bloom visited the school. You know, we never saw him come out, and there WERE red stains on the box..."

"_He's having a calculating moment again,_" thought Kallen as thought bubbles appeared out of Lelouch's imagination," Better go on without him."

When Kallen (and the stalking Rivalz) reached the meeting, Milly had already beat her there," How the hell did you get here on time!?"

"I move fast when I'm excited!" Milly tore open the opening of the box and took out a smaller box, saying "Karaoke Master 2000", "Ta da!"

"A KAROKE MACHINE?" questioned the Student Council in confusion.

"What? A group of high school students can't have a musical contest where something amazing happens to the male main character via musical contest?"

"HUH?"

Milly sighed," _This is why I like being late_," Milly took out the machine and plugged in the machine and TV," Let's get this show on the road!"

Outside, Lelouch was still calculating possibilities on why Orlando Bloom never came out of the Academy and the red-stained box," Possibility 657, Orlando was called to actually star in Pirates of the Caribbean 4, and to stop news from getting out, he scaled the rooftops back to America-Britannia. On the way, he knocked over a pizza box on my house's window sill, angering CC, making her use a pipe bomb to blow him up. There was a private service with Johnny Depp speaking at the wake, which was short, too, then Milly collected the pieces of Orlando, put it in a box, and carried it to America-Britannia so he could star in POTC 4 as a stage prop. Hm. I never knew."

Lelouch saw that it was getting dark. At least 3 hours had passed, so he knew Milly would have shown up to the meeting by now. As he approached the clubhouse, he noticed catchy music and horrible singing. It was just like the un-dubbed version of High School Musical.

"Who the hell could sound so bad?" wondered Lelouch in disgust. He opened the heavy entrance door with his butt while covering his ears with his hands.

Inside, Rivalz had been singing Poker Face, by Lady Gaga.

_P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face  
(Mum mum mum mah)  
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face  
(Mum mum mum mah)_

" Oh, god, make him stop!" cried Milly from under the table," His singing killed my goldfish Kanye!"

Kallen poked her head from behind a sofa," That was MY goldfish!"

As the song ended, Rivalz bowed to his nearly-deafened audience," Thank you!"

Milly checked Rivalz's total score on the screen," You got a -6."

Rivalz cheered as he sat back down," A new record!"

Everyone was so annoyed and disgusted by Rivalz's singing, they hadn't noticed Lelouch walking in.

Milly ran over to him," Lelouch! Good, you're just in time to sing for us!"

"Wait, what!?" Lelouch tried to pull away from Milly's grip, but everyone knew he was weaker than Rivalz's grandma, so Milly dropped him on the platform near the microphone.

Milly gave him the microphone and the song book," Just type in the code for a song you like and sing it!"

Kallen was amused with this, so as Lelouch started to step off the platform, Kallen raised her fist in the air. That put him right on the spot. Lelouch flipped through the book, but couldn't find one song he could bear singing. Besides Poker Face, there weren't any modern songs there. So, he stuck with one he heard back in Euro Universe on his mom's old records: Yellow Submarine.

"_This should be good_," thought Milly slyly as she took her seat.

The song began, and Lelouch started in fear of Kallen's foot up his-

Thinking of his homeland and the slightly racist fisherman on his street, Lelouch began the opening lines with feeling:

**Lelouch: **_In the town where I was born,  
Lived a man who sailed to sea,  
And he told us of his life,  
In the land of submarines,_

So we sailed on to the sun,  
Till we found the sea green,  
And we lived beneath the waves,  
In our yellow submarine,

Kallen and Milly were surprised. REALLY surprised. They had half-expected Lelouch to break down in tears for being exposed to the council. But, it turned out he was a really good singer. REALLY good. Maybe singing along to all of those Rise Against songs had strengthened his vocal chords.__

**Lelouch and Karaoke Machine: **_We all live in yellow submarine,  
yellow submarine, yellow submarine,  
We all live in yellow submarine,  
yellow submarine, yellow submarine._

And our friends are all aboard,  
Many more of them live next door,  
And the band begins to play.

(Trumpets play)

The council was in an uproar. Brittanians had taught Japanese people how to do a wave. fan girls who were already Lelouch fans were piling on the platform. Lelouch had to use his Geass multiple times while singing, making them feel claustrophobic.__

**Lelouch: **_We all live in yellow submarine,  
yellow submarine, yellow submarine,  
We all live in yellow submarine,  
yellow submarine, yellow submarine._

Lelouch was having the time of his life right now. As the next part came over, he remembered that this part wasn't carried over into the karaoke version. He swiped Rivalz on stage and handed him another microphone. Rivalz knew the song well, so they simulated the deleted part.__

**Lelouch: **_(Full speed ahead, Mr. Parker, full speed ahead!  
__**Rivalz: **__Full speed over here, sir!  
_**Lelouch: **_Action stations! Action stations!  
_**Rivalz: **_Aye, aye, sir, fire!  
Captain! Captain!)_

_**Lelouch: **__As we live a life of ease  
__**Lelouch: **__Every one of us has all we need,_

_**Rivalz: **__(has all we need)  
__**Lelouch: **__Sky blue, and sea green,_

_**Rivalz: **__(sky of blue and sea of green)  
__**Lelouch: **__And a yellow_

_**Rivalz:**__(____and a yellow) _

**Lelouch: **_submarine_

_**Rivalz: **__(submarine) ( Hahaha! )_

Rivalz was happy he got into a second song, and happier his voice fitted the need for an annoying ship worker. He started a weird mix of the chicken dance and an Irish jig, so Lelouch pushed him into a ravenous crowd of fan girls and became a solo act again.__

**Lelouch: **_We all live in yellow submarine,  
yellow submarine, yellow submarine,  
We all live in yellow submarine,  
yellow submarine, yellow submarine._

(fading)

**Lelouch: **_We all live in yellow submarine,  
yellow submarine, yellow submarine,  
We all live in yellow submarine,  
yellow submarine, yellow submarine._

As the song ended, Milly checked the score," You got a 98 and Rivalz got a -12! Great job, guys!"  
Rivalz leaped out of the mob of fan girls over to Milly," Does that mean you love me now?"

**SLAP!**

" I'll take that as a no," mumbled Rivalz as he fell to the floor.

Lelouch calmly walked off the platform and to his regular seat between Kallen and Gino.

Kallen grabbed Lelouch by the shoulders and shook him," Lelouch, that was incredible! I never knew you sung along to Rise Against to strengthen your vocal chords!"

Lelouch, dizzy from the shaking, responded," Yes, Ozzy, I'll take the Toyota out for a jog."

**THUD!**

He fell out of his seat out of excitement and dizziness. Kallen looked at her fallen friend," Lelouch?"

**To be continued....**

_**Is it true? Will Lelouch sing more? Will Rivalz become a better singer? What happened to Orlando Bloom!? All of these questions answered next time on Lelouch of the Band!**__  
_


	2. Burn, baby, Burn & Akon Visits

**Code Geass: Lelouch of the Band**

_Disclaimer: I do not have any known affiliation with Akon or the record company that owns him (no racism intended)_

**Chapter 2: Burn, Baby, Burn & Akon Visits**

The week after the karaoke night, Lelouch was having lunch at the benches with his circle of friends (Kallen, Rivalz, and Gino, apparently). Lelouch started noticing people whispering and pointing at him.

"Why is everyone staring at me like that?" asked Lelouch, nervous that they might know he was Zero.

"Maybe they heard about your singing last night!" suggested Rivalz cheerfully,"Milly put the story in the weekly newsletter."

"WHAT!?" Lelouch stood up furiously," Do you know how embarrassing that is!?"

"But didn't you enjoy yourself that night?" pointed out Kallen.

"How will I uphold my emo reputation when they know I can sing?" Lelouch turned his back and slumped against the table," I also sang an oldies song, and everyone knows that the Beatles weren't emo!"

"I think Yoko was," whispered Gino to Kallen," She was the one with the LSD addiction, right?"

"Why're you here again?" asked Kallen.

Gino pondered for a few moments, then answered," Very funny, Kallen, but Ringo Starr didn't give birth to me!"

Kallen slammed her head on the table, knocking over Rivalz's juice.

Lelouch got up," Once I find Milly, I'm gonna-"

The lunch bell rang, so Rivalz, Kallen, and Gino made out his words by the many violent hand movements he did. He made a twisting motion with both of his hands, a tying motion, and a dropping-a-dead-body-in-the-ocean motion.

When Lelouch and Rivalz entered their Geometry class, they noticed something: the teacher was missing. They figured they were just going to wait for a sub, but Villetta came instead.

"Should I drop a quarter now?" whispered Rivalz to Lelouch,"She might go for it."

"Students, today, we have a special guest with us," Villetta pointed to the door," Please welcome Akon!"

"WTF!!?" Students got up and crowded near the door.

R&B star Akon came in, and stood at the front of the classroom," Hi, you all probably know who I am already, but just to make sure, I am Akon."

"We love you!" screamed Shirley from the back of the class.

"I know," Akon walked between the seats," I came here today because I'm looking for a Lelouch Lamperouge."

Rivalz pointed at Lelouch with both hands moving wildly," It's this guy! This is my friend!"

Akon stood in front of Lelouch's desk," Are you the singer from Youtube?"

"Wait, what!?" Lelouch looked at Rivalz next to him," It went on Youtube!?"

Rivalz shrugged," Milly said it would help hobos addicted to crack!"

**CRACK IS WACK**

Akon motioned for Lelouch to stand up. Lelouch stood, and Akon stood in front of him," Are you interested in working with me?"

"Say wha?" Lelouch looked back at the class, who were all motioning to say yes," Um, maybe."

Akon took out a card,"Well, if you are, I'm gonna be staying in the area for a week to shoot a music video. You might be interested; the starting pay is $5000."

As Akon walked out of the room, students started to crowd Lelouch to take the card.

Rivalz had to call Kallen to pry them off him, since Lelouch couldn't win an arm wrestling match with a baby.

After school, Lelouch and Kallen were supposed to go to another meeting: the weekly Black Knights meeting. They decided to take the bus (Of course, Lelouch wasn't wearing the Zero suit.) During the ride, Kallen kept bugging Lelouch.

"Why don't you call Akon?"

"I have better things to do, Kallen."

"Is it because you're shy?"

"Lelouch Lamperouge is never shy!"

"Are you retarded, then?"

"Shut up! I don't need the money, and I have enough fame as Zero anyway."

The bus stopped, and Lelouch and Kallen walked to the Headquarters.

"You really should call."

"I was taught to never succumb to peer pressure." Lelouch started to walk faster, then tripped over a rock, falling in a mud puddle," Aw, no!"

Kallen laughed," That's why you should've called!"

"_Kill me…_"

When they made it and changed clothes, they entered the conference room.

"What's the agenda this week, Diethard?" asked Zero, leaning back in his chair.

"Well, first, Akon appeared today in the area and had a conversation with a Lelouch Lamperouge."

Zero fell back in his seat, then tried to get up without looking suspiscious," Sorry, I saw a fly. Continue."

Diethard went on," So, since we all love Akon, we didn't bomb his house. However, we got a tip from MySpace that Lelouch was a counter-terrorist, so we bombed his house instead."

Zero fell back again, and got up, looking furious (which is very hard to do if you're wearing a mask)," Why did you bomb that poor Brittanian's house!?"

"Why do you care?" questioned Diethard suspiciously, taking out a notepad," Feel free to comment."

"_Come on, Lelouch, think of something!_" Zero stuttered," W-well, a maid takes care of that home, so she could've gotten hurt!"

"And how do YOU know a maid goes there?" asked Tamaki," Pretty suspicious!"

Zero paused," _Damn it, Tamaki, you decided to act less retarded this week!_" Zero explained," Um….Meeting adjourned!"

Diethard got up," Wait, but-"

As soon as he got up, Zero had rushed out of the door.

Kallen got up, too," Maybe I should go with him."

After Kallen left, Tamaki said to Ohgi," You know, maybe I should've given her one of my rubbers."

"Yeah, you'll never use one, why waste them?"

Kallen had followed Lelouch all the way to Ashford Academy. It was true: all that was left was a mountain of ash and an ash-covered Sayoko. Fortunately, she had been dusting in the cellar, so she just got buried under a mountain of ash for a few hours.

Sayoko walked to the shocked Lelouch," Master, may I take a bath? I think I have ash in my-"

"This is unbelievable!" cried Lelouch," My own organization bombs my home! How stupid are they!?"

Kallen tried to comfort the now homeless teen," You still have money in the bank, right?"

Lelouch looked at Kallen," That's my Brittanian trust fund; my idiot of a father took it all away."

Kallen sympathized with Lelouch, until she got an idea," Wait a minute, do you still have Akon's card?"

Lelouch took a bent up business card out of his pants pocket," Yeah, but- Oh, no, I'm NOT doing that!"

Kallen walked towards Lelouch as he stormed away," But you're broke: Where will you live?"

"I'm a web superstar right now, who wouldn't take me in?"

**5 MINUTES LATER**

Kallen was sitting on the water fountain near the burnt down home, reading a magazine. As she looked up, she saw Lelouch limping towards her. His clothes were ripped, he had multiple bruises, and a black eye.

"What the hell happened to you?" asked Kallen.

"I tried to stay at Rivalz's. He released news I was staying there. We were surrounded! Rivalz gave me a shotgun and some bullets, then-"

Kallen motioned Lelouch to stop, and he sat down beside her.

"So, are you gonna call now?" Kallen gave Lelouch the card.

Lelouch stared at it for a few moments, then stood up," Where's he staying again?"

**Will Lelouch do what everyone's thinking he'll do? Did Lelouch blow off a poor Mary Sue's head? Will Tamaki keep up his non-retarded streak for long!? Find out next chapter!**


	3. Sorry, Blame It On Lelouch Part 1

**Chapter 3: Sorry, Blame It On Lelouch**

_Disclaimer: I have no known affiliation with Akon or the record company that owns him (No racism Intended.)_

After a long walk, Lelouch and Kallen finally found the hotel that Akon was staying. There were Akon fans everywhere. People were buying mountain climbing equipment to scale the side of the building. Kallen had to act as Lelouch's bodyguard, since Lelouch couldn't protect himself for sh-

"We made it!" gasped Lelouch as they made it to the other side," Hey, where's Rivalz?"

Deep in the center of the crowd, Rivalz had been mistaken as Jennifer Lopez and was whisked away to get a perm.

Lelouch and Kallen walked to the front desk and asked where Akon;s room was.

"Hi, I'm Lelouch Lamperouge, Akon asked me to come here." Lelouch showed him the card.

The man at the desk inspected the card, then pointed him to a line of copycats looking to meet Akon, too," Back of the line, poser!"

"Come on, I'm the real thing!" pleaded Lelouch," My house was bombed by a group of terrorists that I'm in charge of and my maid still has ash in her-"

The deskman simply pointed to another door saying "Insanity ward", "They give you free fruit on Wednesdays."

Lelouch slammed his head on the desk then walked towards Kallen," How do we get in?"

Kallen pondered for a minute, then got another idea," Wait here!"

Kallen burst out of the hotel towards Ashford Academy. When she came back, she had the karaoke machine with her," Sing!"

She threw Lelouch the microphone, and he responded," You've GOT to be kidding me!"

Kallen shrugged and threw the song book at him as well.

Lelouch let out a sigh as he flipped through the classic songs sung throughout the centuries. So, he picked another Beatles favorite: All You Need is Love.

As the trumpet fanfare began, the Akon fans outside became silent.

_**Lelouch: **__Love, Love, Love.  
Love, Love, Love.  
Love, Love, Love._

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.  
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.  
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.  
It's easy.

Kallen couldn't believe it. The deskman was: CRYING. He was literally crying a river. She went over to him to comfort him. She patted him on the back, that is, until she found out he was trying to rub against her.

**SLAP! BANG! THUD!**__

_**Lelouch: **__Nothing you can make that can't be made.  
No one you can save that can't be saved.  
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.  
It's easy._

All you need is love.  
All you need is love.  
All you need is love, love.  
Love is all you need.

All you need is love.  
All you need is love.  
All you need is love, love.  
Love is all you need.

Outside, the Akon fans were cheering for Lelouch. Apparently, Kallen hooked the karaoke speakers into the hotel speakers and the security cameras were all facing Lelouch (It seems she picked up something up from Milly). Rivalz crawled inside, his clothes torn and badly bruised. It seemed that they found out he wasn't Jennifer Lopez, and they threw him against the front wall of the hotel. As he crawled in, he swiped the second microphone from the machine.__

_**Lelouch: **__Nothing you can know that isn't known.  
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.  
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.  
It's easy._

All you need is love.  
All you need is love.  
All you need is love, love.  
Love is all you need.

_**Lelouch: **__All you need is love _

_**Rivalz:**__ (All together, now!)  
__**Lelouch: **__All you need is love. _

_**Rivalz: **__(Everybody!)  
__**Lelouch: **__All you need is love, love.  
Love is all you need_

_**Rivalz: **__(love is all you need)  
(love is all you need) (love is all you need)  
(love is all you need) _

_**Lelouch: **__Yesterday _

_**Rivalz: **__(love is all you need)  
(love is all you need) (love is all you need)_

_**Lelouch: **__Yee-hai!  
Oh yeah!  
love is all you need,_

_**Rivalz: **__ love is all you need ,love is all you need,_

_**Lelouch: **__ love is all you need, oh yeah oh hell yea! love is all you need love is all you need love is all you need._

The two bowed (Rivalz couldn't because he was lying on the floor.) and the Akon fans cheered. The deskman, his front teeth missing from the beating Kallen gave him, shook their hands.

"Well done, boys!" he sputtered out from the lack of teeth," You've proven you're the real thing!"

He gave them a pass into Akon;s room and pointed the way. With a wave goodbye, Lelouch, Kallen, and Rivalz made their way to Akon.

At the door to Akon's room, Lelouch slid the pass into the door-unlocking machine. There was a beep, and they walked in. Akon was on the phone, apparently talking to a lover.

"That's right, baby, by the time I'm done with you, you'll be hanging on me like a-, "as Akon turned towards his visitors, he paused," Um, that's right, M-Mrs. Sanchez, of course I'll finish mowing your lawn! _Call you later._"

He hung up and led the teens inside," Welcome Lelouch, I see you brought your girlfriend."

"I'm NOT his girlfriend!" cried Kallen, embarrassed by the thought.

Akon whispered to Lelouch,"_ She'll come around,_" He sat down on the chair opposite of Lelouch," So are you here to talk about the spot in my music video?"

"We'll, my house burnt down, so I need the money." Lelouch slouched in his seat, depressed.

Akon took out a small booklet and flipped through the pages," Well, the music video is a remixed version of "Sorry, Blame It On Me". I want you to be the teenage son and backup singer. Deal?"

"Deal!" Lelouch shook Akon's hand and walked to the door," You won't be disappointed!"

" Come to the set in Hollywood next week on Monday!" mentioned Akon," that's when we start shooting!"

Lelouch made a mental note and left the room.

As they walked down the hallway, Kallen said," I can't believe he thought I was your girlfriend!"

Rivalz cut in between them," yeah, I look more like Kallen's boyfriend!"

**SLAP!**

Rivalz fell down the stairs," I deserved that," he groaned as he reached the bottom.

And so, Lelouch was about to enter the prestigious world of…**R&B**.

**Will Lelouch go to Hollywood and perform? Will Rivalz stop looking like Jennifer Lopez? IS Kallen Lelouch's girlfriend? Find out next chapter!**


	4. Hollywood Lelouch

**Chapter 4: Hollywood Lelouch**

_Disclaimer: I do not have any known affiliation with Drake Bell or the record company that owns him._

After a long, boring flight filled with peanuts, bad kung fu movies, and sleeping fat guys, Lelouch, Kallen, and Rivalz (?) finally made it to California. Lelouch and Rivalz were waiting for their bags to come up, and Kallen was booking a taxi to Hollywood.

"We've been waiting for hours!" whined Rivalz," I'm hungry and I need to go potty!"

"Rivalz, we just went to McDonald's and it's your fault you spilled your Chicken Nuggets," Lelouch went back to focusing on the bags," We've seen this surfboard pass by 7 times now, where's our stuff!?"

**Meanwhile, in Japan…**

Ever since Lelouch's house was bombed, CC had been living at a Motel 6. CC had just woken up from her 17 hour nap. The last time she was awake, Lelouch had asked her to pack their bags in the car before they went to Hollywood.

"Well, better go pack them," groaned CC as she got up from her blanket of pizza boxes (Pizza is a lot warmer than a cloth blanket, apparently.).

But when she got to the driveway, the car was gone," Must've left early."

When she got to the living room again, the bags were still there," Whose bags are these?"

After a few moments of pondering, she remembered.

"Oh my god, these're my gifts to the Pizza Hut Foundation Hospital! I better leave quickly!"

As she "remembered", she took a taxi over to the PHFH (Pizza Hut Foundation Hospital for short) to deliver the "Gifts".

**Back in California…**

Lelouch slammed his head on the conveyor belt," I knew I shouldn't have put my fate in CC's hands!"

"Um, Lelouch?"

"What, Rivalz?" That's when Lelouch noticed: He was being pulled into the machine!

Kallen tried to pull out Lelouch," Lelouch, you idiot!"

"Please, Kallen, I don't wanna die a virgin!"

With a few seconds of pulling, Lelouch was thrust out of the belt and was sent straight to the airport ceiling.

**SLAM!**

Luckily, he avoided a ceiling fan and crashed back down-

**THUD!**

-on top of Kallen (?).

"OMG, you're making a move right now!?" cried Rivalz," Nice!"

Lelouch couldn't breathe.

"Um, Lelouch?"

"Y-yeah, Kallen?"

"I-i-"

Just before Kallen could say something, Lelouch was swooped up by-"

"Hi, I'm Drake Bell," Drake extended his hand for Lelouch to shake," You're that Yellow Submarine guy from Youtube, right?"

Lelouch shook his hand," Yeah, listen I have to be somewhere, so-"

Drake led Drake to his car," OK, first, I know you were about to go to second base with your girl, but this is important, too!"

Lelouch was seated in Drake's limo and they drove off.

"Lelouch!" Kallen and Rivalz shouted.

Seeing that he was gone, they went back in the airport.

"What now?" asked Kallen," We're stranded in the USB (United States of Britannia) and Lelouch was whisked away by a rock singer.

"There's only one thing to do in times like these," said Rivalz.

"What?"

**5 minutes later…**

"THIS is your plan?" asked Kallen, holding an empty pickle jar with a dollar sign drawn on it," Collect the $500 we need to get home by panhandling?"

"Anything's possible in Hollywood!" cried Rivalz," Hey, I got a dime!"

Kallen looked in Rivalz's can," That's a piece of gum with a filling stuck to it."

"More money for me!"

**With Lelouch…**

The limousine reached to a stop at TRL Studios.

"Why did you bring me here?" asked Lelouch nervously as Drake's bodyguards led him inside.

Drake got his guitar out of the seat next to him," Look, I had my tonsils taken out yesterday, and I promised to be on TRL today. So, you're the singer."

"WHAT!?" cried Lelouch," You don't understand, I have to meet Akon!"

Drake led him backstage," Oh sure, everyone wants to meet Akon, but they don't like Drake, do they!?" A tear rolled down Drakes cheek," It's not fair!"

As anime characters often do Lelouch sweatdropped. Drake slammed the door to his dressing room.

The sound engineer walked over to Lelouch," Oh, this is bad."

"Why?" asked Lelouch," Am I stranded here?"

"No, but that means Drake's not coming out and we don't have anyone else who can play lead guitar!"

The engineer sat down," Wait a minute! What instruments do you play, Lelouch?"

Lelouch took a big gulp, because he knew what was going to happen next…

**With Rivalz and Kallen…**

Rivalz had just gotten a bloody nose from a beating from a gang banger, and Kallen was lying in the alleyway.

"Face it Rivalz," sighed Kallen," We're going to have to live here forever. You'll move into an apartment filled with Asian gang bangers, and die in weeks from an STD. I'll have to become a hostess on "I Survived a Japanese Game Show" and teach everyone about the challenges. Then-"

"Kallen, look!" Rivalz pointed to the TVs in the local electronics shop," It's Lelouch!"

Kallen ran over to the TV shop," WTF!?"

It was true; Lelouch was performing in place of Drake Bell!

"We've gotta get over there!" said Kallen," Taxi!"

**With Lelouch…**

The sound engineer went over to Lelouch with a guitar and a lyrics sheet," OK, this is the guitar chords you'll play through the song, these are the lyrics, and you play this thing."

He threw Lelouch the guitar, who almost dropped it until he recovered.

"Careful, that Telecaster cost me $20,000!" He left the stage, and Ryan Seacrest came onstage.

"Ryan Seacrest!?" cried Lelouch," Aren't you on American idol?"

"Well, until Simon kicked me out because he said I had no-"

"GET ON WITH IT!" yelled the engineer.

"Fine then, gosh! Ladies and gentlemen, Drake bell is throwing a tantrum right now, so, in his place, I give you web sensation, Lelouch Lamperouge!"

Lelouch was nervous, "Um, wait a minute, I-"

"Presenting Drake Bell's 'Hollywood Girl'!"

Lelouch learned he had no choice. Fortunately, he had Brittanian guitar lessons when he was about 5 by the reanimated body of John Lennon, so he was going to be fine.

The drummer counted off," 1, 2, 3, 4!"

_**Lelouch: **__Hollywood girl  
Is lost again  
All of her hopes left her stranded  
Seasoned dreams  
Are just pretend  
She can't stand it_

_**Lelouch: **__Why'd it have to happen to me  
Why'd it have to hurt so bad_

Cause in this town  
Can't find up but I found down  
In the city life  
Can't turn around  
Can't give up I feel too proud  
Under the city lights

In the taxi Kallen and Rivalz were in, the Middle Eastern cab driver was listening to TRL. Right now, they were listening to Lelouch playing "Hollywood Girl"!

The cab driver was singing along (very badly)," _She doesn't believe in-"_

**BANG!**

The cab skidded into a fire hydrant, because Kallen pistol-whipped the cab driver's head.

"Why the hell did you do that!?" cried Rivalz, exiting the cab," Now how will we get there!?"

"Hmmm…" Kallen looked around.

She saw a giant snail, a rickshaw, and a Knightmare Frame," I've got it!"__

_**Lelouch: **__She doesn't believe  
In believing  
Miracles have died in her mind  
She knows the world  
Is deceiving  
Everything is wastin' her time_

Why'd it have to happen to me  
Why'd it have to hurt so bad

Cause in this town  
Can't find up but I found down  
In the city life  
Can't turn around  
Can't give up I feel too proud  
Under the city lights

"Kallen, this is the worst idea you've ever had," said Rivalz blatantly.

Kallen's idea was to ride the rickshaw with the snail attached (Not a good ride, isn't it?)

"Come on, there wasn't any gas in the Knightmare, so what do you expect me to do?"

"You could've FILLED IT UP!!"

"Oh, yeah…" __

_**Lelouch: **__Get in line and hold your head high  
Pretty face will help you get by  
Step inside I'll make your tears dry  
So put on your smile  
Ha  
Cause in this town  
Can't find up but I found down  
In the city life  
Can't turn around  
I can't give up I feel too proud  
Under the city lights_

The crowd cheered as the song finished. Lelouch was mobbed by a crowd of fans released onstage. Ryan walked to him, a microphone in hand," So, Lelouch, what're you going to do now? Spin City Records is offering you a 5-year contract with them and a free trip to Norway! What do you say? Lelouch?"

Lelouch had slipped away from Ryan and left the building, sprinting towards Hollywood. On the way, he crashed into a giant, slimy snail attached to a rickshaw.

**GLOP!**

Lelouch removed himself from the snail, covered in slime, "Yuck!"

Kallen and Rivalz stopped because they hit something: A teenage emo boy.

"Lelouch!" Kallen ran over to Lelouch," You're all right!"

"Yeah, more or less," Lelouch flicked off a big pile of goop onto the asphalt," Why're you guys on a snail?"

Rivalz went to Lelouch," Because SOMEBODY gangbanged our cab driver!"

"Excuse me if he's a horrible singer. You're lucky I didn't gangbang you when I had the chance." Kallen raised the gun to Rivalz's face.

Rivalz hid behind Lelouch, cowering," Where'd you get a gun, anyway!?"

"OK, now that we're all together, can we please go to Hollywood now?" Lelouch started walking towards Hollywood, north. Regretfully, Kallen and Rivalz followed Lelouch as they made the long trek to AKON.

**Will Lelouch perform again? Where did Kallen get a gun? What IS second base!? Find out next chapter!**


End file.
